1. My uncle once: Told me it was called a tackle box.
2. Never in my life: Have I seen what is in those stupid 3d painting! A dolphin... indeed!
3. When I was five: I was a traveling salesman. I put all my Christmas toys on my wagon and went door to door selling them so I could afford to play Defender at the arcade.
4. High School was: Pharmaceuticaly Exhausting
5. I will never forget: The naked old lady on the balcony in January holding a potted plant.
6. I once met: some else's expectations... then I stopped.
7. There’s this girl I know: We call here puddles.
8. Once, at a bar: I actually ordered the proverbial bourbon, scotch and beer. I was 18....
9. By noon I’m usually: looking for a place to poop.
10. Last night: I dreamed about flying... I hate flying...
11. If I only had: Whipped Butter and a Red Highlighter...
12. Next time I go to church: I will leave with a nicer coat.
13. Terry Schiavo: A woman barely alive. We can rebuild her. We have the technology to make her, better... stronger... faster....
14. What worries me most: locating my left handed scissors.
15. When I turn my head left, I see: I can only turn right... I am not an ambi-turner... *sniff*..
16. When I turn my head right, I see: Ross Perot?!!
17. You know I’m lying when: You ask me a question.
18. What I miss most about the eighties: My feet and virginity.
19. If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: A foot note.
20. By this time next year: I will have forgotten about writing these!
21. A better name for me would be: Skip
22. I have a hard time understanding: Babbling people.
23. If I ever go back to school I’ll: be reincarnated as a real kid...
24. You know I like you if: I show you my rat.
25. If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: the person who gives me the award... it's only polite!
26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: One porn I would not see.
27. Take my advice: Don't see that porn!
28. My ideal breakfast is: eaten off a (female!) cheerleader's belly.
29. A song I love, but do not have is: The Romantics - Talking in your sleep.
30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: you stay off the railroad traks.
31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: Ingrediants for a Candadian teen soap opera.
32. Why won’t people: Pull up their pants?!!!
33. If you spend the night at my house: Stay away from my daughters and that cornfield.
34. I’d stop my wedding for: ...my wife is a crazy bitch who will suck all the life out of me.
35. The world could do without: Hillary Duff... she doesn't give boob slips or crotch shots... what the hell is she good for? I MEAN HER NAME IS DUFF!!!!
36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Lick Delta Burke's belly.. I'd die of thirst by the time I was a third of the way down... yes down... that is the natural direction!
37. My favorite blonde is: Phyllis Diller
38. Paper clips are more useful than: papered clips.
39. If I do anything well, it’s: climbing up it's sides after getting a bucket of fresh cold water out of it.
40. And by the way: If you see your mother this week-end... would you be sure to tell her; SATAN... SAtan... satan...
There you go!