Blog Archive

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I am stealing...

I just stole 40 questions from my buddies blog that I want to try answering!

1. My uncle once: Told me it was called a tackle box.

2. Never in my life: Have I seen what is in those stupid 3d painting! A dolphin... indeed!

3. When I was five: I was a traveling salesman. I put all my Christmas toys on my wagon and went door to door selling them so I could afford to play Defender at the arcade.

4. High School was: Pharmaceuticaly Exhausting

5. I will never forget: The naked old lady on the balcony in January holding a potted plant.

6. I once met: some else's expectations... then I stopped.

7. There’s this girl I know: We call here puddles.

8. Once, at a bar: I actually ordered the proverbial bourbon, scotch and beer. I was 18....

9. By noon I’m usually: looking for a place to poop.

10. Last night: I dreamed about flying... I hate flying...

11. If I only had: Whipped Butter and a Red Highlighter...

12. Next time I go to church: I will leave with a nicer coat.

13. Terry Schiavo: A woman barely alive. We can rebuild her. We have the technology to make her, better... stronger... faster....

14. What worries me most: locating my left handed scissors.

15. When I turn my head left, I see: I can only turn right... I am not an ambi-turner... *sniff*..

16. When I turn my head right, I see: Ross Perot?!!

17. You know I’m lying when: You ask me a question.

18. What I miss most about the eighties: My feet and virginity.

19. If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: A foot note.

20. By this time next year: I will have forgotten about writing these!

21. A better name for me would be: Skip

22. I have a hard time understanding: Babbling people.

23. If I ever go back to school I’ll: be reincarnated as a real kid...

24. You know I like you if: I show you my rat.

25. If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: the person who gives me the award... it's only polite!

26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: One porn I would not see.

27. Take my advice: Don't see that porn!

28. My ideal breakfast is: eaten off a (female!) cheerleader's belly.

29. A song I love, but do not have is: The Romantics - Talking in your sleep.

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: you stay off the railroad traks.

31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: Ingrediants for a Candadian teen soap opera.

32. Why won’t people: Pull up their pants?!!!

33. If you spend the night at my house: Stay away from my daughters and that cornfield.

34. I’d stop my wedding for: wife is a crazy bitch who will suck all the life out of me.

35. The world could do without: Hillary Duff... she doesn't give boob slips or crotch shots... what the hell is she good for? I MEAN HER NAME IS DUFF!!!!

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Lick Delta Burke's belly.. I'd die of thirst by the time I was a third of the way down... yes down... that is the natural direction!

37. My favorite blonde is: Phyllis Diller

38. Paper clips are more useful than: papered clips.

39. If I do anything well, it’s: climbing up it's sides after getting a bucket of fresh cold water out of it.

40. And by the way: If you see your mother this week-end... would you be sure to tell her; SATAN... SAtan... satan...

There you go!


  1. Nice!

    Poor you, they're demolishing your favorite place to poop!

  2. My children talk about Phyllis Diller more than you might imagine. I've no idea why. Sometimes it's just to ask if she's still alive.