Those cheesy e-mails about the under 30 crowd...

I get those e-mails from time to time about how the under 30 crowd have it so easy for various reasons, from using card catalogs when we were younger to getting busy signals when phoning a popular friend.

I replied with my own quick and impromptu list. Here it is;

I would add the following;

If you wanted to go down on a girl, you could be guaranteed that you were going to get a mouth full of hair until you spit on it enough to part it in the middle... THEN you were able to get at the nub. So eating out took that much longer and made you that much more thirsty! I didn't have Gatorade to help that along either... or Propel... or any other good sports drink. I had Sunny D or Kool-Aid! And if it happened to be Sunny D, that shit is so acidic that if you were coughing on a hair stuck on the back of your throat, it would hurt like you just swallowed fiberglass. And to even get at the panty-afro you had to get through panties that would be considered granny panties today with the big cotton crotch piece... never mint g-string! Ever try to be erotic and suck through those? Like sucking on a lint ball that came out of the dryer!

In my day you tried to stick your tongue in a girls ear to be seductive, you got a dose of hairspray that would kill a colony of termites in Africa.

Never mind finding material to pound off to.. porn these days is so accessible. In my day we shared porno mags stolen from our father's sock drawers... believe me when I tell you we did not lick our fingers to turn the page... YUCK! I still remember the one porno mag I owned from the age of 10 till I was 18... I found it in pieces blowing down the street in the winter. I think it went through a snow blower... I taped it up in school and brought it home. It was as big as the Bible because it was water logged. It was in tatters and tapped together but I was still a hero among my friends because it was MINE!!